This wasn’t the first time he had tried. At first, he filled the bathtub with water and tried to drown himself. Later, he thought of entering the sea and never coming out, filling his lungs with water and sinking into eternal rest. But every single time, he thought of his children, who would be left fatherless. “I am suffering,” he told me when we first met months ago. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about how I’m living a double life: A secular living under the guise of a haredi. It feels like Purim, only in my life, I am always in costume.”
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