Anyone who believes less than me is a heathen. Anyone who believes more than me is a nut.
I’m a patchwork Jew. I’m a collection of memes and tropes and minhagim. I’ve clearly gotten more religious over time and have taken on things I never would have thought – tearing toilet paper before Shabbos? But I still identify as a moderate. I’m amazed by the breathless tales of the uber-observant. To let you know how Seriously they take their mitzot: “so then I realized I wasn’t going to make it home by Shabbos so I pulled off the highway and parked in the worst neighborhood in the world, stashed my keys under a crack hooker, and then started the 45 mile walk home while gangs are shooting at me.
Uphill. In the snow” or “… and I opened the refrigerator and the light popped on. I was stuck. There wasn’t a [non-Jewish person] around. Everything melted, there was a river running through the kitchen…”
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