Question:
Can you explain the proper boundaries of being a vatran (giving in)?
Answer:
Vatranut begins by seeing the other person as an extension of yourself. Parents instinctively do this with their children. You have to learn to bring more people into your picture. Being a shmatta means resentfully giving in when there are other possibilities. I would call this intentional martyrdom, which is what people choose because they enjoy making others feel guilty and beholden. People with low self-esteem tend to give in, because they can’t bring themselves to suffer even momentary disapproval from another person.
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